Do you remember the first day you saw my scars? We were lying on your couch laughing and fighting. And then you were silent. I could tell you were struggling to word all your thoughts. Struggling to bring up what was accidentally revealed. I remember you holding me close to your chest. It was the closest you've ever held me in years. You brushed my hair softly and glanced down at me. Your eyes, the expression on your face... the very first time they showed visible signs of pain. You asked me if it hurt and told me that it hurt. It made your heart hurt. You made me promise you I'd stop. A promise I refused to make.
That afternoon, you made me feel safe. You held me and smiled. You understood me and loved me. The happiest I will ever be in this life time.
In 4 month's time, we were yelling and crying under a stairwell. A lot of yelling from you and crying from me. Do you remember the things you told me that day? I still hear it replaying inside my head. Every night, I still see that very same expression you wore on your face. You said it was my fault for being alone. I'm a little princess who's spoiled to the core. And I should just disappear. When I stopped and looked over at you, there was a lump in my throat as you glanced back with a blank expression. Blank. No hesitation, no remorse for the things you've said. Blank.
That afternoon, you made me feel abandoned. You wanted me gone and out of sight. The most pain I'll ever experience in this life time.
The most. Ever.
The most. Ever.
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