The only thing that's been on my mind for these past few days is how crazy things have gotten. For the first time in a long time, I'm unsure about my feelings. I'm unsure of everything. I may not remember half the things I told him this weekend but I do remember blurting out things that I've kept secret for so long. The hatred I've built towards my ex-boyfriend, my little angel, and most surprisingly to us all (especially for myself): how badly I've always loved you. I know that it felt right being in his arms, even if it was just for comfort and to keep me from falling over. The only thing that makes all this so confusing is that I have never, in my life, felt this much of a relief being in someone's presence before. Not after my ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years. Which is something that needs be noted, right? But why is my mind still caught up with thoughts of someone I barely even know anymore? And why is it, that everyone (and even himself) believes he's an asshole? Why is it that I see a completely different side of him? Or have I just been making this image of him up in my mind? And in love of who he used to be? If I was in love with the person he used to be, why am I able to look past his wreckless ways and forget they even exist; the way I was never able to look past my ex's wreckless lifestyle? I don't know. I'm so confused. I just wish I knew what happened that night. I need to know what happened between us this weekend. If it's the last thing I do. I can't let him be the one that got away, again.