3:55 a.m. It has been five long years. One of which was spent in endless misery. Looking back, the only thing I can recall is the sting of the pain. So sharp that it's the only thing I have left to remind me that this was real. The pain was real. His presence no longer lingers by my side. It is as though half of me had died. And tonight, for the first time since I've gotten better.. Tonight, marks the beginning of it all. Once again, things will go bad and I will grow bitter. The best part of me has gone with him and I will never again in this lifetime be at peace. I am filled with resentment. All I ever think of is how resentful I've become. So resentful that it has diminished every memory of what it was like to be surrounded by his presence. Everything. It all just seems so far and out of reach. Hours spent in bed, with only consciousness of how perfectly entwined our legs would rest upon the other. Tracing his finest features with my fingertips as he slept through the afternoon, the way my insides swoon when his lips cracked that damned half-crooked smile whilst resting beside me. The way the light hit his face and highlighted his cupid's bow so perfectly as I reached over for a kiss. The way I used to rest my lips against his. No smiles, no kisses, no words. Just breathing. The way his scent lingered in my hair, on my sheets. It is all such a blur. I want to be able to close my eyes at night and be taken back to those exact moments. But I can no longer remember his sharpest features or what made him, him. I can't remember his calloused fingers or where his facial hair would grow faster than others. I can't remember the way he parted his hair, or how his patterned socks looked like. I can't remember anything and it's driving me insane. Insane.